Sunday, October 19, 2008

Pleased to Meet You, I'm a Goonch

Came across a report from The Sun about giant mutant fish terrorizing Nepal.



Turns out this gigantic aquatic monster is, in fact, no 'mutant' but rather a little known fish known as the 'giant goonch'. Tipping the scales at 200 lbs or so, the goonch is a catfish, probably one of the largest catfish in South Asia. They can be found in the Himalayan waters around India, Nepal and the like.

Appearantly, and bearing in mind that this is colored as much by rumor and folklore (rural legends if you will) as actual 'science,' the story goes that goonch got a taste for human flesh by munching on charred corpses floating downstream. This part of the story requires a bit of clarification, but suffice to say that as in many Hindu countries, cremation is the preferred funerary practice. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford a real cremation, so especially in the poorest of rural villages, you get alot of partially cremated bodies sent down the Ganges, Indus and Brahmaputra.

For fish, this is a free meal. The Ganges river shark (Glyphis gangeticus) and bull shark (Carcharhinus leucas) are both known to take advantage of this, and it is also rumored crocodilians and tigers will if they opportunity presents itself. The goonch seems to be acquiring a taste for human flesh in this manner and, if the rumors are to be believed, move on to trying a live human. Then again, it could be alot of things. The subcontinent has no shortage of man-eaters... at least a dozen species have allegedly attacked humans (tigers, crocodilians, bull sharks, wolves, dholes, Burmese pythons, Asiatic lions, sloth bears, etc). Some of those cliams are more dubious than others, for what it's worth.

Incidentally, this is not the first time that sloppy funerary rites have caused problems. The most infamous being the man-eaters of Tsavo in the early 20th century. About 135 or so Indian laborers brought over by the British to work the railroads (and local Africans) were killed by the two lions, whom it is believed acquired the taste for human flesh after scavenging from the Indian laborers' make-shift cremation grounds. An interesting Chicago connection there, the two lions wound up at the Field Museum after being sold there by John Henry Patterson himself. I should know; I've seen them quite often! Aside from the man-eaters of Tsavo, Patterson was also head game warden in British East Africa, fought in the Boer War and a champion of early Jewish settlement in Palestine (even joining the Jewish Legion of the British Army, which would later become the IDF).

I've been meaning to read his other books for a while now, but never got around to it. Maybe I'll rummage through the library tomorrow and see what I can dig up.

But... while on the subject of giant Asian fish, I'm also reminded of the giant Mekong Delta catfish (Pangasianodon gigas). It is the world's largest fresh-water fish. Dekila Chungyalpa of the World Wild Fund for Nature reported a 9 foot, 646 pound specimen in her study of sustainable development in the region. No doubt those of you who watch Monsterquest regularly will remember that (she was one of the people interviewed on the 'giant fish' episode).

Ah, but alas, we have no such creatures nature to these climes, unfortunately. Nonetheless, we are fortunate enough to have some DAMNED big fish all the same. Say hello to the alligator gar, or as he is more formally known, Atractosteus spatula. Found throughout the Southeastern U.S., the alligator gar ranges from ten to twelve feet, and usually weighs a couple hundred pounds. In a rather Jonah-esque twist, the Cherokee (who know the fish by the name dakwa) have a myth of a brave in the Tennessee valley who was swallowed alive by one only to have cut himself out of it's belly.



I SOOO want to set up an aquarium and get some cool fish or marine animals... actually, screw that. I want to get an indoor pool, suitably modified for larger sea creatures. Now THAT would be cool! Sharks, octopi, giant squid, sting rays, crocodiles, eels... you name it.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Fortune Presents Gifts Not According to the Book

Oh what a wild week it has been my friends, a wild week indeed. After getting through a hectic list of chores and assignments, I'm finally free. Turns out my paper for my Paleontology (moar liek Palin-tology, amirite?) class went over better than I expected. I don't know whether I should be amazed or thankful, but my teacher said that it was very well written. I guess those many hours of sleep (and, for that matter, eating) that I sacrificed for that were worth it then. I was so afraid that I wouldn't do well, or that I was missing some huge point, but I guess not. Good news for me.

Still have to find time for... well, everything else now. I need to watch some of my movies and TV shows, which I still haven't done, catch up on a little reading. Maybe even make a new tape for my car. I'm also running low on monies, which sucks, but then with the economy being what it is, I'm by no means surprised. I suppose I'll wind up moving to one of the BRIMC(S)... within the next 50 years those will be the biggest economies in the world anyway.

But, this weekend will be a time for relaxing and celebration. And crazy horror movies, but I think thats a given, obviously... And episode of Primeval has an Australopithecus boisei running around, well, now I know more about their anatomy, evolution and dietary adaptations than I ever thought possible. So I guess I could write a 10-page blog critiquing their recreation or something...

Still, it would be very sweet to get an Australopithecus boisei (or robustus, or aethiopicus) as a pet. That'd be kick ass! I mean, come on, look at those jaws!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Tiger Phone Card

Lyrics by Zac Holtzman and Dengue Fever

Zac Holtzman: You live in Phnom Penh

Chhom Nimol: You live in New York City

Together:
But I think about you so so so so
So much I forget to eat

Zac Holtzman: It’s 4 am I check my email

Chhom Nimol: I’m too geared up to fall asleep

Together:
So I write you back and count the days until we’ll be together

Chhom Nimol: The first thing that I’ll do
Is

Together:
Throw my arms around you

Zac Holtzman: And never let go

Chhom Nimol: And never let go

Zac Holtzman: I call you from my hotel room
I’m sitting on the hallway floor
I know that we are so
So so
So tired my phone card just expired

Chhom Nimol:
You only call me when you’re drunk
I can tell it by your voice
It’s the only time that you
Open up to me and tell me that you love me

The first thing that I’ll do
Is

Together:
Throw my arms around you

Zac Holtzman: And never let go

Chhom Nimol: And never let go

Zac Holtzman: I’m thirty-thousand feet high
Flying through the dead of night
I took an Ambien and you came to visit me in my dreams.

Chhom Nimol: You were bathed in blue light
Floating right in front of me
Your face was so
So so
So bright I had to close my eyes to see

The first thing that I’ll do
Is

Together:
Throw my arms around you

Zac Holtzman: And never let go

Chhom Nimol: And never let go

Together:
Never let go oh oh
Never let go oh oh
Never let go oh oh
Never let go oh oh
Never let go oh oh

I Need to Sleep

What a crazy week this has been. Between school and... well, more school, I've been running all over the place. Luckily, I managed to finish all of my papers, get to my debate and to make it to the Burma Studies Conference this weekend. Unfortunately, my sleep cycle is now shot to hell. I've been sleeping erratically all week. That's erratically, not erotically... completely different context there.

With any luck, I won't have to talk about lateral abductor mechanisms in A. afarensis again for quite a while.

So after my test on Monday, I will be able to relax and enjoy the rest of my week. At least until it gets to the point where five hundred or so things all pile up at once again, as things are sure to do just because the Gods enjoy tormenting us lowly mortals. Oh come on... Didn't anyone out there ever read Homer's Ὀδύσσεια? One of my favorite books growing up... I always thought Odysseus was one of the coolest heroes.

Incidentally, for those of you already familiar with Greek and Roman culture, you probably won't be surprised to know that Odysseus was known to the ancient Etruscan civilization of Italy as well (as Uthuze). Just thought I'd throw that out there, cause the Etruscans don't get alot of love over here.

I've gotta thank Michelle for bringing over the Office and the last few episodes of Chuck so that I'm now all caught up with that. Now I've just gotta catch up on Heroes and I'll be good.

Also, Noureen deWulf made a cameo as a spy/pita delivery girl, which was awesome, since I don't think I've seen her in anything since 'American Dreamz' (which, admittedly, was a pretty cheesy movie).



A google search turned up images of her and Kim Kardashian (who appearantly got voted off 'Dancing with the Stars' this season before I could see it; what a pity) at the Maxim Awards.



Personally, I find Maxim and those sort of magazines to be a little trashy, though. Me, I'd much rather be reading trashy pulp novels with burly, square chinned, bare fisted adventurer-scientists who pounce off to darkest Africa or exotic India, find lost civilizations and relics, make love to beautiful women and fight against the Nazis (or Commies, or whoever the generic villian of the week is these days). Does anyone else remember that genere? I've got a whole book full of the covers of those, and let me just say, wow!



WEASELS RIPPED MY FLESH! Actually... I think the thing on his shoulder is maybe a muskrat or something, but I rest my case. Those pulp adventure stories were really something else... animal attacks, head hunters, 1950's super-science, lost civilizations, sultry naked women.

Well, that or trashy books about bigfoot, UFOs and global conspiracies. Either is good by me.

But, back onto the subject of hot Asian chicks, Navi Rawat is appearantly reprising her role as 'the Heroine' in the straight to DVD sequel to 'Feast', appropriately enough called 'Feast II: Sloppy Seconds.' Comes out this Tuesday, and I'm quite excited about that. I'm also baffled, since her character (and, actually, several of the others) all got eaten in the first movie, but whatever. Knowing almost nothing about it beyond the fact that it features the monsters attacking a small town in the middle of nowhere, I fully plan on buying it. The first movie freakin' blew me away, so I expect great things from the sequel. This means movie night, folks.



And, on that same subject, I'm also looking forward to the (eventual) release of Cryptid, which may or may not be released under a different name. I've found very little about this movie, beyond that it stars Lori Petty, Sandra Teles and Petey Pablo, and is about 'bigfoot in South Africa.' Presumably it was inspired by both Zulu stories about the Tokoloshe and archaeological evidence about Australopithecines, which ironically brings us full circle.

Between 'Feast II,' 'Vipers' (the newest movie in the Maneaters series) and Dario Argento's 'La Terza Madre,' I'm going to have quite a few good horror flicks for this Halloween. Go me!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Just When You Think Humanity Can't Get Any Lower...

Man, this is disturbing. Latest out of Australia claims that a seven year old boy went on a killing spree at an animal center. Appearantly, he hopped over a fence at the Alice Springs Reptile Center and proceded to bludgeon 13 animals to death (several endangered species) and feed others to the crocodile. He also tried, unsuccessfully, to get into the crocodile exhibit. Personally, if you ask me, it's a pity he didn't because no matter how psychotic he is, a crocodile will tear a seven year old human to bits every time.

Look... I'm not some hard core environmentalist nut, but this kid... Wow! Not only did he get into the exhibit, but he knew enough to avoid alarms, and was smiling the whole time. His violence towards animals suggests a form of sociopathy, but what disturbs me more is that he was subtle enough not to get caught for HALF AN HOUR! A couple things bug me there; shouldn't there have been a security guard or curator to stop him? It's not that hard to overpower someone that small. But moreover, what about his parents? Did they just let him go wild? Creepy, huh? Mark my words, this kid has all the makings of a future serial killer.

The Zoo is, thankfully, suing the parents, and quite frankly I hope they take them for every red cent that they are worth, because the Aussies are too sissy to prosecute minors it seems. Thats a big mistake. I've noticed the media hasn't released his name or much on him; courts probably won't let them either. This is a huge problem, because this kid is displaying all the signs of a psychopath. He won't be stopped, put in a facility or given treatment, I can garuntee you, and the parents probably will bend over backwards to protect the little monster.

I'm telling you, the best possible fate here would have been if the crocodile ate this son of a bitch, or if he got bit by one of their venomous snakes... death adder or taipan or brown snake. Something like that. Because ten, twenty years down the road, this very same kid is going to be a violent, socially maladjusted adult, and he will have moved on from small animals to people.