Gifts Born of the Sea

Well, I'm back. As you probably know, last week was Shark Week on Discovery Channel. It was also the premiere of Jurassic Fight Club and Evolve on History Channel, along with a new episode of MonsterQuest. And, to sweeten the deal, AMC played Jaws and Jaws II. Thats alot of good TV right there. But, as much as I love Shark Week, I do have a life, so I recorded it and have been watching it all on DVD. All in all, pretty good viewing right there.

As if in agreement with the concept of Shark Week, it seems the 'goblin universe' has seen fit to throw us a few bones which, to the eyes of any other observer might be dismissed as nothing more than a mere coincidences.

First, the so-called Montauk Monster, the strange (and as-of-yet unidentified) carcass of which allegedly washed ashore on the beaches of Montauk, New York on 12 July 2008. Shortly after photographs of this bête noir hit major news outlets on the 29th, it went digital and became an online phenomena in it's own right (spawning more than a few memes in and of itself).





As you can see, he (and it's quite obviously a 'he,' judging by that assortment of junk he's got dangling there) is quite a fascinating little bugger. Speculation as to his identity has ranged from the absurd (a sea turtle) to the mundane (a dog). Personally I'd prefer to think that he's a chupacabra, spawned into existence by an angry and cynical universe just to spite me. But... a more sober analysis would be that he's a raccoon, or maybe a dog.

It occurs to me that every time we have a 'mysterious creature,' the witnesses obviously have the time to take one (or more) blurry photos, but never have the foresight to just take the whole damned carcass, the skull, or even just a half-way decent tissue sample, all of which could easily answer the question as to it's identity. Furthermore, as with any good UFO or sea serpent photo, absolutely nothing is included in the picture that we can use as a reference in terms of the creature's size. We hardly know whether the creature should be measured in inches or feet, which only broadens the number of animals it can be.

This is, of course, assuming that the creature is in fact an actual unidentified animal, and not just a piece of photoshopped artwork, perhaps as a promotion for some recent cryptozoology themed TV show like Cryptids are Real or MonsterQuest. Then again, perhaps I should be thankful to even have a hoax like that in my lifetime. Its been quite a while since we've had, say, a Cardiff giant, Feejee mermaid or Ica stone.

Assuming that it is real, and is a previously identified animal, we can safely say the Montauk Monster is a mammal, and that it was a carnivore. That is to say, a member of the Order Carnivora... dogs, cats, weasals, bears, hyenas and the like. My second guess would be an artiodactyl (pig). The creature has prominent canine teeth, but lacks the incisors one would expect from a rodent. Whatever it is, it has been shaved and left to decay, with some bloating and tissue loss as a result. It looks like part of the face has been removed, eaten or fallen off to boot.

The end result? It is (or rather, was) either a raccoon, pig or dog, in descending order of likelihood. But then, thats just my opinion; feel free to take or leave it as you see fit. After all, I'm just some nut on the internet.

The second news item of interest, or perhaps just amusement, is another case of synchronicity with Shark Week - American Idol (or, as we call it in the Arabic World, سوبر ستار) host Ryan Seacrest was attacked by a shark! A sand shark to be exact. Considering how rare shark attacks actually are, it's always ironic to get one during Shark Week, let alone on a celebrity. I wish Mr. Seacrest no particular ill will, for the record. I just think that this is another example of the universe playing tricks and making fools of us all.

Regardless, I still have several more hours worth of shark attacks to watch. And a lucky shark's tooth amulet.